Mixed Feelings is Part of the Process, Right?

Well, here’s a funny thing.  I don’t want to do this anymore.  I’m not sure what I mean by “this”, but my brain keeps telling me that the things, they are bad.  I think it’s because of the whole not sleeping last night and the pathological need to be busy, but in any event my brain is like a sleepy, recalcitrant two-year-old right now.

My current state of mind has got me reminded of how much I was dragging my feet over this essay that’s coming up in class.  I thought I’d be more excited.  I can pick the topic, the style, the length, the tone, everything but the due date.  It was funny – I was excited.  I had an idea, even a working thesis which let me tell you does not happen very often at all.  But after that, I balked.  I would have to do research.  I would have to revisit my old History notes and decipher my scrawl (I’m a Luddite and hate writing things on the computer – go figure).  I would even have to check out library books at the Hatcher!  Lord spare me.

But then I made myself get started.  I skimmed an article, laughed at the earnest Nineties tone it had, and before I knew it, I was taking down notes on index cards, just like my equally Luddite high school teacher had taught me to do.  Two hours later, I had filled ten note cards with quotes and notes, cut forty percent of my paper, and added in twenty percent more.  At the end of the night I was cleaning up sentences and fixing syntax and my friend had to pry me away from the computer to watch a movie with her.  And now, twenty-four hours later?  The two-year-old is back and I’m so over writing this essay.  Thank God for fall break next week, am I right?

One thought to “Mixed Feelings is Part of the Process, Right?”

  1. Oh my goodness, do I know the feeling… I checked out over 20 books from Hatcher about the Pope and his silence during the Holocaust… I am so overwhelmed. It’s so great and interesting, and I’ve been working hard everyday, I just can’t get any thoughts in order. I have no idea where to start, or how to organize things. I honestly am so lost.. I have on idea how my rough draft will actually be decent by Thursday.. or how I’m going to be able to turn this in by next Friday.

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