It’s a really really odd feeling to go back and look at my own writing. I find myself laughing at things that I meant to be seriously talking about and overall, judging my writing. I guess I’m too much of a critic, but I always see something that could be improved. A lot of the time I’m embarrassed at the fact that I put something out there for others to read. Why did I think that topic was important enough to write about? I don’t want to subject them to something that isn’t absolutely perfect.
And that’s totally irrational compared to the comments I get, usually positive and insightful. I don’t know why I have this insecurity, this need for whatever I put out there to be perfect.
I think that might be why I’m having such a hard time with the repurposing essay. The voice of the author from the publication that I’m shooting for is very different than one that I normally use when I write. It always strikes me as odd when I get feedback that says that I have a strong voice because I’m not exactly sure how that happens. It’s not that I’m purposely trying to sound a certain way, it just turns out like that. I guess that is just truly a natural voice. As I am writing the repurposing essay, I am learning that apparently I have a very strong voice because I am having such a hard time changing it to fit the needs of this assignment.
Speaking of assignments, I found that the blog post that I wrote on my own about writing things that interested me was the easiest to write and, in my opinion, the most interesting. I was engaged in what I was writing and therefore I put in the extra effort to make the post really fun and engaging for the reader. That’s when I do the best on assignments for school as well. If I like the assignment and am struck with a really good idea, I get an A.
Even though I hate looking back on my pieces of writing, it’s a good thing to always seek to improve. It only makes me better, though I may be decimating my self-esteem in the process. I guess at the end of the day I have to know that I do have some talent in expressing my thoughts/ideas on paper and though I always want to improve, others aren’t judging my work nearly as hard as I am judging it myself.