Ode to the Rudest Roommate

Greetings MIW Colleagues,

I’m going to take advantage of blogging bonanza and the open forum that is the internet to introduce you to my roommate. We’ll call her R.

It’s currently 3:18 AM on Easter Sunday during finals weekend. Most of you are asleep, and I’m jealous. R has invited over several of her associates to engage in some form of socializing, an unfamiliar concept to me during finals. I say “some form” because this is not traditional college socializing. No. It’s a mix of drinking and yelling with a conversation about existentialism, prison reform, the purpose of higher education, neo-conservatives and liberals, and the “evil” that is Bloomfield Hills. Don’t ask me how all of those things relate to each other – I don’t have an answer. I witnessed some of it first hand, but after the following quotes I quickly retreated and am now coming to you live from my bedroom:

“If Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan had a baby, it would be Kony.”

“I have a fundamental disagreement with the hashtag.” #what? #badmillennial

“I’m not welcome on this campus because I believe capitalism is the root of all evil. I’m a proud socialist!”

“Business school students are all sell-outs and evil. It’s a crime that they make money.”

“Everything is symbolically meaningless.”

“Free will is an illusion. Just like majority votes.”

Now, regardless of your political views, the intellectual level of this conversation is about on par with that of a fourth-grader. And that might be selling the fourth-grader short.

My alarm is currently set to 9 AM so I can wake up to celebrate Easter and then make my way to the library. That’s in less than 6 hours.



6 hours.

My frustration has resulted in the following haiku, drafted for your entertainment.


Sad Roomie Haiku:

R you disappoint.

Your friends are all neurotic.

Please tell them to go.


I’m sure many of you have experienced similar frustrations during your time in college. I can only hope that the sounds coming from the other sides of your doors are a little more enlightened than these.

For the record, my first attempt at spelling existentialism was “eggsistentialism.” Welcome to 3 AM.

R. You're killing me.
R. You’re killing me.


One thought to “Ode to the Rudest Roommate”

  1. Hi Sarah!

    This post actually made me laugh out loud; I felt myself nodding my head while reading because I can completely sympathize with you on this one! Your haiku was awesome, and I loved how it was a live stream of consciousness in the moment –really unique and funny!

    Great job!

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