Wait, you forgot to pee.

You can’t just sit down and read.  That’s not how it works.

You can’t just stop the craziness of life, open a book, and think you’ll be able to breathe.

First, you need to shower.  Or at least feel clean.  Physically, symbolically, in every way possible.  Make sure you wash not only the dirt but the literal stress from my body.  Nothing quite compares to the feel of clean clothes on right after a shower.

Second, go to Spotify, and listen to Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini, Op. 43: Variation 18 by Sergei Rachmaninoff.  Trust me.

Third.  Make tea.  Make it steam.  You want it hot.  (Otherwise it won’t work.)

You now have two options:  you can read at night or during the day.  If it’s during the day you must have natural light.  If it’s at night, you have to be in bed.  Either or you need a blanket.  (Disclaimer:  you have to own a blanket.)

Make sure you have some light snack (e.g. popcorn, apple slices).

You must have mood lighting, if there is any fluorescent lighting you might as well not even try.  (Are you still listening to the song?  Make sure it’s still on.)


Turn your phone on do not disturb.

Turn it off.

Throw it away, whatever it takes.

Make sure you’re warm.

Take a deep breath.

Okay, you’re ready.

Just kidding, you have to pee.

Go to the bathroom, pee, wash your hands with hot warm.  The soap has to smell good.

Now.  Okay.  Get into bed.  You’re ready.

How calm do you feel?

Okay, turn the page.

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