My biggest challenge in academics is motivation and judgement. I too often find myself being lazy and fearful of judgement from professors and my peers for what I write on a page. No, I do genuinely enjoy, and I love the intellectual curiosity it provokes. What I don’t like is sitting in front of a computer to an open, lifeless, and boring word document staring into my eyes like a blinding light at the end of a dark tunnel.
My entire life I have always put off my writing to the last minute. The debate case in high school? I probably wrote the night before. The political science paper? I probably wrote the hours before. That article I wanted to write for fun? I wrote a paragraph and then got too lazy. Writing has always been a hassle for me. I don’t like writing, and I’m not sure why. I can articulate what I want to say – or so I think – but I don’t enjoy watching minutes converge into hours as I stare blankly at a screen awaiting the perfect Facebook or Gmail notification to distract me.
Blogging on the other hand feels different. I just let it happen. My thoughts and opinions, which are always subject to change, seem to flow in a more natural and organic process. I don’t struggle for words or ideas – although I certainly misuse plenty of words. I don’t hesitate; rather I just write, and write, and write. I don’t look back.
The difference between writing and blogging to me is who I do it for. I am having fun right now. I am challenging myself inside like a pac-man game searching for the right things to say, yet I am enjoying every point I eat along the way. I don’t have writer’s block when I blog. I even feel slightly more intellectual despite the informal writing style (not in an obnoxious way).
So, why take the minor? I want my words to mean something. I want to transfer the excitement and delicacy I have with blogging into my other modes of writing. My voice matters (to me) and I want the special signature to carry over to my other submissions.
Didion has a special way of taking a location or event and writing a sentence about it and allowing that to set a trajectory. I don’t work like that – or so I don’t think. I can certainly be inspired by my environment as such is true for any human, but I can’t see something or someone and let my sentence description turn into a plot line. Sorry, Victor. I still don’t know who you are.
I do, however, find myself motivated by the very same things as Orwell. I do like the reward of writing. I love seeing how and what other people respond. It is a slight ego boost, and I love pointing out the flaws in things.
But, above all, I want to share my thoughts and ideas. I am not afraid of the truth or my opinion, and I think that’s why blogging works for me. It’s the raw, honest, in-the-moment truth Sullivan seeks, and I love it. Blogging is more me exploring myself and my thoughts than anything else. It’s almost like the impulse Facebook statuses one makes just to get likes.
I want to be funny and witty, and let the world know what I think is wrong with it just like:
If for no other reason, I blog to share my experiences. I want to share my story. I am not special nor do the events in my life differ significantly from others, but I do believe I see the world through a unique lens, and I want to share that with audiences willing to listen.