I think my biggest issue this semester has been finding the time to do all of the things I want to do here before I leave. I’ve been feeling the pressure to say “yes” to every opportunity I’m presented with. This has led me to being in rehearsals all night and classes all day, but I figure this is my last semester to overload before I’m released into the big, bad world of financial independence and a do-it-yourself schedule!
The thought of that is daunting, but I’m also looking forward to graduating because I’ll finally have the time to devote to things that I want to do. In particular, I’m looking forward to having the time to write about things I want to write about, rather than writing about things I’m required to write about. I’ve struggled majorly with this over the past two years: It feels like a waste of time to write — or read — for myself/for pleasure when there’s always so much that could & should be done for my classes.
I want to write more nonfiction essays and poetry. I also want to spend more time crafting pieces that don’t have an end goal or grade in mind, but are rather just for the purpose of self-expression. I think so much of my thinking & work over the past four years has been centered around the future, so I don’t even know what it means to write or work on something without a clear & specific goal in mind. One of my favorite people I worked with was performer Gavin Creel, and he’d always talk about how the show we were working on was about process rather than product. I think that’s relatively rare in our goal-oriented society, and it’s a frame of mind that I’m working towards every day (:
I guess I don’t have a specific *solution* to this problem — I’m just hoping that GRADUATION and finally being done with all of this work that feels kind of arbitrary and aimless will help me to make room for the things that really matter to me!
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