Challenge Journal 4: “”””untitled””””

ahahhahahahahahah there are 6 days until classes end.

more importantly, it’s 7 days until i see david sedaris.

which, like, well, um, technically the capstone project is due the 20th (someone said the 19th but the syllabus says 20th so i’m going with 20th) but david is coming the 18th and i am a fool!!!!

i definitely work better under pressure, and i think that’s because i don’t do well with soft deadlines because i don’t take myself seriously/have no authority over myself. not sure if that makes total sense but basically if i set a deadline for myself, future flick just laughs in my face and doesn’t do what she was told to do. it’s a horrible system and yes it’s the worst.

there’s a fine line for me. there has to be enough of a time crunch but not too much. if i have to force myself to write and i’m not feeling it, i’ll likely produce garbage and frankly that’s just a waste of my time. the intro part of my capstone that i wrote just when i felt like it was infinitely better than the sections i tried to force myself to write afterwards for my workshop session. if i’m moderately stressed but writing because i have real thoughts and ideas – that’s the sweet spot. the problem is that i feel like that sweet spot is somewhat out of my control to find. clearly, i’m really good at accepting responsibility for things. procrastination is just so…fun..amirite?

i don’t know how to do anything when i actually have real time to get it done. for example, i’m only in 9 credits this semester and i have been at my all-time lowest levels of productivity. it’s kind of pathetic but we’re just going to go with it because it’s too late now to change that. maybe i just crave the rush of the stress. ?¿? ok that’s enough psychoanalysis for my wednesday night.

ps i happen to know that someone went to T with a capstone idea that was to talk about themselves and david sedaris and i want to know who you are…

so that we can be friends

 

ok bye call me beep me

4 thoughts to “Challenge Journal 4: “”””untitled”””””

  1. Felicity! I do not know you, but this post made me laugh and say, “yep” out loud too many times. I also struggle with the time crunch. I love it but I also need to feel like it’s time to get shit done or I will do nothing. Something that’s been helping me lately is getting into a routine (it’s a challenge for sure and I am really bad at it but ha ha) – I try to plan my day the night before and set small goals. Like, I will make it a goal to leave my apartment and find somewhere else to write. That’s the entire goal. Once I leave my apartment, I’ve already won the prize. Whoo!

    Anyways, I feel you! We got this! Capstone yay!

  2. Flick –

    I feel you on the lack of obligations being inversely (???) proportional to productivity. Also, on working better under pressure. I could’ve edited my interviews earlier in the semester, but what would be the fun in that?! ha. I literally know nothing about your project and how it looks/what form it’s going to take so I’m actually quite excited to see the “finished” (we know this term is BS) product.

    One thing that helps me recreate the sensation of time running out (so I can be ultra productive) is setting timers for 1.5/2 hours when I’m at a library/coffee shop. When the timer goes off, I have to move to a new location? I plan on doing this all day Wednesday and most of Thursday afternoon before the “banquet”. It might help you as well?!
    See you in class,
    EC

  3. Hi Flick,

    I relate to this blog post on an almost visceral level. The combination of the intensity of this project and the fact that we are second semester seniors has decimated my time management skills as well. I also agree with what you said regarding the quality of work. I find that when I try and sit down and force myself to write, I end up hating what I produce. However, when I allow myself to be spontaneous, to only write when something truly creative strikes me, I like my work a lot more. But it’s hard to sit back and allow for spontaneity when you have such a pressing deadline isn’t it? I’m going to apologize in advance for not really having a great solution to your problem. What I’ve been doing is trying to capture each moment of creativity I have and maximize it regardless of the hour it occurs (3 in the morning has been great to me recently). So I suppose my advice would be make the most out of all your moments!

    Zach

  4. Hey Flick,
    I also resonate with your preference of working under pressure (note the time and date that I’m writing this comment). I feel this shame for it, like one of those things where just because you realize you’re that way doesn’t make it okay! But I think like others have said, utilizing it as a strength is important for productivity reasons but also for mental health reasons and to feel okay and proud of those productive moments. I think setting goals to have more of those moments helps, and perhaps creating a ritual (tb to the beginning of the semester) will help you be more productive, and it could even turn into a habit. Who knows! I wish I did!
    Good luck in the next 24 hours on hustling to get your capstone done like I am!

    Lucie

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