Last month, I was asked to write a blog post for the publishing company I work for. I specifically write in the youth ministry section. I wrote about leadership development of volunteers, something I find very important especially as I see the younger crowds not understand how leadership isn’t a title.
I struggled writing this post because if I’m being honest. I hate leading. Especially leading peers, it’s the worst. It’s crazy that for me a leadership position aka a position of “power” feels incredibly vulnerable. When you’re a leader, everything you do is critiqued. From how you phrased it, what you chose, to even how you dressed, you can bet someone has a comment about how they would have done a better job. I’m at the point that when I’m asked to step up, I hesitate because I know that I am a sensitive person and I’ve been hurt in this way before. How do I write something to help prepare volunteers for the struggle?
What I could have written was “As a leader, you’ll never feel good enough. You’ll feel like you have great ideas with poor execution. Your friends will talk behind your back and tell others that they would do a much better job. You will never feel confident in what you’re doing” While that is all true, I wanted to be more helpful. Sometimes the truth hurts, but this was definitely not the type of article to air my grievances. I ended up writing practical ideas to work on leadership development. I actually really liked the article, but wish I could understand how to write about it better.
I guess, my writing problem that I discovered is how to merge the good with the bad. I think it’s helpful and necessary to acknowledge when something is hard and when it can be hurtful, but to do it in a way that is helpful and not just whining. Should I have leaned in to the discomfort of leading? How do I know when I am doing this and how do I fix not fully addressing the struggle?