All of my life I have always worried about what is going to happen next. The minute that I solve one thing, I find something else to worry about. I think it was less about just be attracted to negativity in general, but more about wondering what gives my life a purpose. What I mean by this is that sometimes I feel like if I’m not worrying about anything, that something is wrong. That I am not trying hard enough or that there is nothing else for me to prepare for or look to. That without the stress of what is going to happen next, that I have nothing to push or motivate me to do more.
Lately I have been trying to move away from this mindset. As I get ready to graduate, I realize that I can’t control everything and that no matter how little companies email me about a job offer or return my emails, no matter how uncertain I am about what I am going to be doing even in the next month, graduation is coming. No matter if I have a plan or not, I am getting my degree, something I have worked hard for for years. So instead of focusing on what I don’t have, I am focusing on what I do have that is going to prepare me for the unknown. I am more prepared than I know.
I have been taking this mindset and applying it to my writing as well. For my project, I added a few poems or things I consider “art” that might describe someone’s daily life. Something that makes them feel like they are not alone, or something that makes them chuckle about something that maybe is actually a little serious, but it’s always good to laugh. I have been trying to let my fingers move on the keyboard or my pen moving on my notepad even if the words coming out make no sense because I know that in some way I can make them have meaning. I think that when you trust yourself and your ideas, it shines through your writing .