I’m over it. Over homework, over exams, over school in general. With one month left in my collegiate career, it is much more tempting to go on a walk with friends or even apply for jobs online than it is go to a library and write. I guess senioritis is back in full force and I’m just ready to jump into the real world.
But at the same time, I’m hanging onto everything by a thread. I don’t want to be done with my capstone project, or my exams, or going to classes because that means it’s all over. Life as I know it, life as a student is over. I seriously have SIX pages left in a book because I don’t want to find out how the characters were killed, and I don’t want to be done with it. I almost made it through an entire season in a TV series, but quit halfway through the season finale. Maybe I’m a quitter. Maybe I just like the idea that I can go back to something and it still needs me. Maybe I’m just in denial.
Ironically, my letter of interest for the MiW program was all about “getting stuck” in the writing process. I wrote that I wanted to learn how to get unstuck, and help others get unstuck. I hope I have accomplished the latter goal, though it is apparent in this moment I myself am still in quicksand. I had so much hope for this capstone project, so much that I wanted to put into it. While I think it will shape out the way I want it to this semester, I also must remember that the project itself won’t end at the deadline. I can always pick up my project in the future and push it to the next level. The reason I centered my project on a single made up word (Sonder) was because I’ve had years of fascinating realizations that will continue to occur as I move through life. This may be the first chapter, but it won’t be the last.