Senior year aka “the year of lasts”…yet, I’m experiencing a first

I’ve never thought of myself as a creative person. It all goes back to the 3rd grade. Indulge me while I go on this short rant…

It was November 1st (yes, i’m crazy and remember the exact date). We were just starting to learn cursive. The new month meant a new seating chart. For all of September and October I had been hoping to be seated next to Pierce, the “it boy” of Mrs. Larkin’s class. I swore to myself that I loved him, and maybe I did in a weird little kid way, but I soon would learn that the feeling was NOT mutual. It was official, for the month of November he would sit across from me (yassssssss). We pulled out our cursive practice books and began to write. He looked up at me and said, “Are you sure you’re a girl? Because you have the handwriting of a boy.” I began to notice that I had bad handwriting, I was terrible at drawing, the girl next to me in art class always had a better painting than me, etc. To this day, sometimes I still feel like the least artsy/creative person alive.

Well, Pierce was right. I did have terrible handwriting. Still do, actually. But, I was wrong. I was wrong to take this tiny comment and twist it into something that hindered me for so long. I am creative, and writing is my outlet for that creativity.

For the first time in my entire life, I have too many ideas. Normally, I have a bunch of ideas and i’m like “eh” “no” “nah” “maybe” and I end up choosing the one stand out idea that I had. But, this time is different. I love them all. I’m passionate about sexual health, mental health, celebrating love, preventing sexual violence, and speaking my truth. SO, why is this such a predicament? How could having too many passions ever be a bad thing? Well, it is a bad thing right now. I cannot decide which project to pursue as my capstone project.

Giving my pitches to the class might’ve been helpful if I wasn’t in a room full of creative geniuses that offered up ideas and suggestions, making me love each of my ideas even more.

That might’ve come out wrong, so I’ll explain further. Giving my pitches to the class helped me to develop each of my ideas, providing me a launch point to take each one further. However, it did not help me to choose which idea I should move forward with. I think that I’ve narrowed it down to two. Have I really, though? When will T make me decide?

I know it will all work out, but until then I’ll keep writing. I’ll keep writing up little snippets for each idea, hoping one of them will jump off the page at me, screaming, “PICK ME, PICK ME, I’M THE BETTER OPTION!!!!”

Until next time,

Jess

5 thoughts to “Senior year aka “the year of lasts”…yet, I’m experiencing a first”

  1. Jess! You’re not alone. As someone who decided to do the writing minor so that I could learn to write good research papers, I constantly feel as if I’m not creative. Or at least, I’m not the same kind of creative as everyone else in my writing classes. I’m so glad you’ve worked through that.

    Keep writing! Your ideas are wonderful. Maybe you’ll find two (or maybe three or four) concepts can be intertwined in a way that incorporates all the things you’re excited about without creating a project that’s too daunting.

    Best of luck!

  2. Isn’t it crazy how our brains amplify our insecurities? Especially when we are surrounded by 45,000 incredibly talented people. Sometimes I think that’s a downside of Michigan– among my peers who are published in research or getting jobs at Microsoft, I can feel so small. But it’s also so motivating!! You’re here (not just at Michigan, but in the writing minor, in this capstone class) for a reason. Eventually, we all know that you will find a way to make a project that suits you, and it will be creative as heck and your purpose for being here will shine through. We are excited to see it! But until then, take a deep breath and know you are where you are meant to be in this process.

  3. Your rant brought me back to elementary school. I remember in 2nd grade I was only allowed to write in cursive and to be honest, I don’t even remember how to do that anymore! Thank goodness we have hundreds of beautiful and fun fonts to choose from nowadays. I’m so glad you were able to move beyond this and let your creativity shine–I definitely don’t think it’s a bad thing to have too many passions!
    I echo Karis’s comment about trying to intertwine the remaining two ideas or find some way to combine them. Something you can do is think about the true core of your two ideas, really boiling it down to why you want to pursue them and maybe create a third option for yourself where you’re able to achieve both of those goals. If you want to talk about this in more detail please let me know!

  4. I find that when I’m having too many ideas, I try to write through (I guess) the “pros” and “cons” of each idea, and writing out some of the details you had in mind. Not to look any part of your ideas as a negative, but more so as a way to see what projects excite you the most, and what aspects of a given project might fall underneath a “okay, this is cool, but maybe I can do this some other time” category. That way you’ll have more fleshed ideas for each concept you have in mind, while also more intricate details for each.

    …I don’t know if that is helpful or more stressful, but just advice from my end

  5. Well too much is better than not enough, so at least you’re in a position of abundant thoughts rather than a lack of ideas. To sit and keep writing about them is good because I feel like eventually you’ll come to an agreement with yourself as to which one you can carry out as a project currently.

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