I hate to say it, but my dad was right. I am in fact, without a doubt scared to be great. I can never take a first step , can never complete a first draft, and have a hard time following through with any creative idea I have in general all because of fear. It was hard for me to come to terms with this theory because initially I thought “I’m not scarred of being great, greatness is what I crave, I strive for it daily, actually i’m more scarred of failure if anything.” This is my problem, see the fear of failing and the fear of being great are both the same thing, the only difference is the wording. You cannot be great without failure so my fear of this step happening is preventing me from being everything I want.
This year I am determined to step out of this fear and do EVERYTHING I set my mind to. I have so many creative thoughts and ideas, and for the past few years (although I have made great accomplishments) I have been more of a thinker than a doer. I have started with my personal life and wants. I have always wanted to do something for my birthday and while i’m still breathing , I decided to make that happen. I booked a flight to New York for my 22nd birthday with NO hesitation(Go Me!). I have always wanted to do a creative video shoot for my birthday as well, I contacted a videographer to get that set up( another giant leap for Courtney). Although my birthday trip and video shoot may seem small , these are things I have wanted to do for years. This class is another gateway for me to do whatever I want creatively and the possibilities are endless. I have so much hope for my project that I decided it was best that I didn’t do it, but my new self has hope that this project will be everything I imagined and more. Being scarred about my creative thoughts and the potential they have is such an exhausting process, I have decided that fear is a choice and that failure is a stepping stone rather than defeat.
My project will focus on the journey of athletes specifically the ending and how retirement vs injury is a either a forced ending or an instance in where the ending is up to the discretion of the athlete. Identity crisis, mental health, and the next chapter of life will also be explored throughout my project and I plan to do my project through a documentary type style series. Something similar to E:60 or 30 for 30. I also would like to have small articles of subtopics and ultimately would like Derrick Rose to somehow get involved and or see it. I have faith in my vision and will approach my project as if there is no way I can fail , and that anything can happen.