Searching for Clarity

Since my last virtual appearance here, a lot has changed. I approached this project totally lost, with a million ideas that felt not good enough and none that felt great. In all honesty, this is classic me. I approach projects like this a lot, so overwhelmed by the extreme potential that I find myself paralyzed by the decision making and organizing. A lot of the time, I rely on the universe to strike me with an idea, for things to just suddenly click when I need them to, in the last hour (literally) when I’m once scrambling to write papers the day they are due. So the idea of a big project, of the commitment to one idea for the whole semester, was daunting.

Live footage of me writing an essay I forgot about the day it’s due

My indecision lasted for a while–actually, until Sunday night, to be exact. I’ve started a new thing recently where I keep a pad of post-it notes and a pen on my bedside table so I can write down the late night insomnia thoughts I want to remember. At about 1:30 AM, I realized how to pull together all the things I wanted to do, which I will attempt to explain now, after this brief interruption from the multimedia I’ve decided to randomly insert into this blog post

My! plan! is!!!!! Ok, so to adequately explain this, I think I have to back track. Initially, I wanted to write a novel, because I love to take on unrealistic projects I don’t have the motivation for. This evolved into a novella, which evolved into a short story. But I was unsatisfied with this idea of just writing a fictional short story for a few reasons. First, I wanted to use my experience. I don’t want to write pure nonfiction or memoir pieces, but I want to take inspiration from my life and perspective and semi-fictionalize these stories, putting them to another character. I also really wanted to touch on the themes of growing up, finishing college, becoming an adult, getting jobs, college dating/love/sex/hook up culture, friendships, etc. I realized the perfect way to integrate all of these is to write multiple short stories, and the stories that strike me the most are those that I hear from others. Thus, I plan to use in-person interviews to get inspiration for the short stories, which I will write with as much or little fidelity to truth as I feel so compelled to.

I’m now really excited bout my project. The stress that came along with creating totally fictional plots is absolved, and I am inspired by the idea of talking to all the incredible people I have met throughout college, using these stories to represent the ups and downs, paradoxical lifestyle, and ridiculous moments and friendships that college has brought me. I hope my stories feel like honest representations of what if feels to grow up at this time. The opportunity to write these stories about growing up at this exact time, the end of my education, the start of my official adulthood, feels like the kind of significance I was looking for in this project.

I am of course anxious about the work that remains ahead, but I am more excited. I also just wanted to go on record and say that I think our class is awesome and talented, and I’m even more excited to see the project development of everyone else and to start workshopping and sharing our work.

For those of you who got this far, I commend you, but am also kind of wondering why. Shout out to Max for reminding me to do this blog post, anti-shout out to the airport restaurant I’m in that only plays angsty 80s rock and to Spirit Airlines for delaying my flight for hours and overall just sucking always. Here’s to the overly ambitious production plans we made for ourselves; hope everyone didn’t schedule writing an entire play for spring break like Alex did! Happy spring break second semester senior year, where some of my friends are bridesmaids at their best friends weddings and going on romantic vacations with their boyfriends and then some of us are…… not… xoxo see you all soon have a great break!! 🙂

Weird GIFS and memes brought to you by hours to kill in the airport

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