Reflection Time

Having to do pitches for what I would spend so much of my time on for the next four months during the first full week of the semester had me like this:

Alas, I did not run away, but instead somehow managed to write four semi-decent pitches. I’m someone who’s really hard on myself, but I was proud of myself that I was able to figure out some good ideas that I would be excited to work on for the duration of the semester. My potential topics are diverse, so I have to pick a topic before I even think about picking a medium for my topic — but one thing at a time! I’m a person with a lot of different passions, so making a decision is always the hardest part for me. 

Once I finally got my pitches done (phew!) someone in class compared this capstone to writing a thesis. I’m already writing a thesis. I can’t write two. Ahhhhhhhhh!

My thesis and previous research projects definitely came into play when I was thinking about my pitches. In the Communication and Media department, I did formal academic media research in my capstone, and I’m currently working on a thesis about celebrity children on social media. So, I knew right away that I wanted to spread my wings with this project and see what I can do with it instead of playing it safe — so, no topics like my thesis topic or my previous research topics. I want to be personal in this in some way. But, hearing that this is like another thesis scared me. 

The fear went away a lot when I got with my group to listen to pitches. I realized that everyone is nervous, and this is a big project for all of us.

I was really surprised when I presented my pitches to my group. The pitch that I wrote last and came as an afterthought — exploring people’s relationships with feminism — is the one that my entire group liked best. I almost didn’t even include that pitch because I thought that no one would be interested in hearing about it. I’m a bit nervous because I did a lot with feminism in my gateway course even though my final project ended up being only loosely based on it, so I don’t want to repeat myself. I have to figure out how to make this new and different if that’s the topic that I end up going with. 

I also really enjoyed hearing my peers’ pitches because it gave me inspiration of my own. I realized the diversity possible in this project and how much I’ll be able to learn from my peers who will likely do such different projects from me! 

Right now, I’m both excited and nervous for the rest of Capstone. I know it will end up being great in the end!

Trying to figure this out

Hearing everyone’s pitches the other day was exciting. And nerve racking. And stressful. It’s really hard not to compare my ideas to others, especially when they’re impressive and scholarly and academic. I’m just sitting there like:

because I want to write stories!!! Well, kind of. I want to read my stories and essays out loud, record them, and make it like a podcast series. But the idea of just using my own work and recording myself seemed a little self-centered and weird, so I plan to open it up to friends, and even the public, who want their work to be spoken into existence, too. It’s going to be interesting. I don’t know how many people want to share their writing with me, let alone have it be part of a project. What if no one wants to participate?? I’m worried, but I think it’s all going to be okay. These things have a habit of resolving themselves in due time. I know I’m surrounded by closeted writers who just need a little convincing, because I used to be one of them.

Also this proposal seems scary. It’s really looming in the back of my mind. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.