Now that I think about it, I can’t remember the last time I sat down and just wrote. I think it was one night during my Junior year of high school when I got out of bed at 2 am, turned on my lamp, sat in my comfy chair, got out a fresh notebook and started writing. It was a story about a guy who fell in love with a prostitute, and that’s all I knew. To me, I wasn’t writing a story…I was writing a description of a scene, or at least that’s how I thought of it. I wrote about this endless conflict between his feelings and what he knew could never become a reality. I remember stopping at 3:32 am, looking at the clock, and thinking, how in the world did I randomly think of this idea? It, in no way, had any relationship to me or anyone I knew, nothing even remotely similar to anything I read, watched, or even dreamt about! All I knew was that it was a situation this nameless character had to face. I don’t think I even wanted my mom to know what I was writing about because surely, she would think it was an inappropriate topic. So I stopped. I put the notebook away in a drawer, and I went back to sleep. But every so often, I think about that story, and how one day I’m going to finish it. Or change it. Or scrap the entire thing and write something new…But I know one day, I want to write without having any reason, except some internal force compelling me to get the words out of my head and onto paper.
So why do I write? I write to express something, or myself, right? I mean, nowadays everything I write, email, text, say…it all has a purpose. A paper, a reminder, a friendly hello. But what I think, what I feel…those things don’t necessarily have to have a purpose. Oftentimes how I feel has absolutely no relation to what I say, or do. But there used to be a time when I could pick up a pencil and write for no rhyme or reason. A poem, a story, a reflection, a letter, anything really.
Now I think, this is why I write… I write to remember, I write to explore, I write to build complex characters, I write to describe scenes in my head, I write to get that feeling back, that feeling of satisfaction after getting a string of words down on paper and making sure it sounds just right.
So I’m not sure if this is just a long ramble, or if I’m going to use any of this for my paper…but I do want to hear your thoughts! Honestly, I find this assignment quite hard because I guess I’ve never been asked to think about why I write. But I think after writing this incoherent prose, I feel a little bit better about the content I want to write. The format is what I think I might find more challenging.
Good luck on your papers! =)