Therapeutic List-Making Pt. 1: Stuff I Am Tired Of

Confession: One of my biggest fears is that I will never find a career, field, or partner  that won’t eventually bore me.   Have I, being a product of my generation, all but destroyed my attention span?  Or maybe humans just haven’t evolved enough to sustain interest in any person, place or thing for years at a time.  I mean, the first folks who uttered the phrase “’til death do us part” probably didn’t live too long, know what I mean?

This fear is deep and unrelenting.  I am terrified that I may reach a point in a job/project/relationship where all I feel is an overwhelming sense of boredom and emptiness, like the great whiteness in Moby Dick.  Will there ever come a day when I, after looking over my many accomplishments (or lack thereof) find myself asking, “Is this all there is?”

Now, I figure that I could either let this existential crisis really run it’s course, but I’ve got a full course load, a part-time job, and some semblance of a social life, and therefore do not have time for breakdowns.  I think that instead of melting down, I’ll do something that’s roughly as silly as worrying about what might happen in the future, and write some lists:

Things I am tired of:

Winter
Waking up early
My natural hair color
“News” stories about the antics of Justin Bieber, Amanda Bynes, Miley Cyrus, or anyone else who is famous simply because they are famous
Having little to no spending money
Being in school
Winter
The song they’re currently playing in Bruegger’s as I write this
Internet trolls
Hearing about the debate between Bill Nye and that creationist guy
Buzzfeed
Paula Deen
Winter
My sad, rusty 2001 Ford Taurus
Not getting enough sleep
Margery Kempe
Uptalk
Vocal fry
Talking shit
Living in an attic with very low ceilings
And, of course, WINTER

 

Things I am not tired of:

Learning
Spanish, especially the subjunctive
Magic realism, especially Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Words, especially mine
Kale
Puppies
Learning about/exposing the evils of the food industry in the USA
My prom dress (seriously)
Processing my losses
Celebrating my victories
Bananagrams
The Legend of Zelda
Braids
Sweaters
Talking about scary stuff (e.g. death, illness, the meaning of life) in literature
Books with really sad, beautiful endings (e.g. Of Mice and MenThe Grapes of Wrath)
Netflix
Bagels
Romance
Do I feel better?  Oddly enough, yeah, I do.

Moral of the story: When freaking out about the big picture stuff, ask yourself if this crisis has any concrete ties to your real, present life, and if it doesn’t, try to find ways to make it so.

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