Ahh, Valentine’s Day. A time for couples everywhere to celebrate their love and singles to be reminded of their singleness, whether they are happy about it or not. Elementary schoolers bring paper heart cut-outs for their whole class while older valentines bestow boxes of chocolate and flowers on their loved ones.
While some claim that Valentine’s day is simply a “Hallmark Holiday,” invented solely for capitalist reasons, one University of Michigan student has taken this premise one step further. M., as I will refer to her, recently posted the following on Facebook for her entire social network to see:
Forget to make reservations on Main Street and now you can’t find a reservation for you and your loved one? Look no further. I have taken the liberty of making multiple reservations at many Main Street restaurants. You may now bid on reservations to secure a dinner for Valentine’s Day! Message me with offers.
I’ll call this girl clever, but that’s as generous as I can be. Call Valentine’s Day what you will, M.’s plan is evil. Evil!
1. Leave the happy couples alone. I’ve been single on Valentine’s day a total of 18 times (unless you count my perpetual Valentine, my dad), and it’s completely bearable. Good for everyone else for shamelessly toting their happiness around town. Buy a bag of Hershey’s Kisses.
2. It’s illegal. For a good reason. Driving up demand on one of the busiest days of the year makes everyone lose out. The customers, the restaurants, pretty much everyone involved except for M.
3. If you don’t endorse Valentine’s Day, there are plenty of other ways to channel your frustration into something more productive. You could plan a party for your single friends. You could volunteer at a soup kitchen and adopt a bunch of needy Valentines. You could call your parents and wish them a happy Valentine’s Day. Just don’t ruin it for the rest of us.
One thing is certain. Anyone who becomes M.’s tattletale will get a heart-shaped card in the mail from me this February 14.