I am a procrastinator, as I’m sure many people in the class are, too. In fact, I feel like my writing is better when I procrastinate. This is probably because I write better under pressure. This doesn’t make much sense to me, though. When we have quick-fires in class, I can never think of anything to write. I always seem to have writer’s block. In fact, I think that 95% of the time I have writer’s block. Therefore, I procrastinate until the 5% of the time that I can actually come up with something good to say. And when I am forced to write in the time where I can’t come up with something to say, I write a bunch of crap. I have yet to decided whether or not this is one of those times.
I have had a really hard time with this procrastination/writer’s block dilemma recently. I not only have the writing in this class, but I was just assigned a paper for my PoliSci class and I am working on a paper for my UROP class. As much as I love writing, it is very overwhelming to have this much at once, especially since I am only happy with my writing 5% of the time. Another issue is that ALL of my writing is due the last week of the semester. This is forcing me to think about all of my writing WEEKS before it is all due. This is very intimidating to me.
I want all of my writing to be perfect. When I force myself to sit down and write, I am rarely very happy with the way it turns out. But I know I must force myself to sit and write so I won’t die during the last week of classes. As much as I call myself a good writer, I know that I am not magical. There is no way that in one weekend I would be able to complete my entire eportfolio, the final drafts of all of our papers, my polisci paper, and my research paper.
I find the process of editing very helpful, but very intimidating, too. I know it is acceptable to have a “shitty first draft,” however, that doesn’t make me feel any better about writing so shitty to begin with. I question my ability as a writer if I can’t write something that is very good from the get-go. Is someone still a good writer if they need their piece to be edited a million times? I guess that everything gets edited a lot more than I think it does. Either way, it is still a big insecurity of mine.
This blog post flowed in the way my thoughts have been flowing this past week: all over the place and scattered. For this, I must apologize, but all of this writing has been overwhelming. Of course I love to write– if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be in this class. However, nothing else makes me more stressed out/scared. I just need to stop putting my expectations so high for my first drafts, and see where my writing takes me.