As we in the Capstone class embark on the process of now editing our Writer’s Evolution Essay draft, I wanted to pause and reflect on the contradictions that are emerging in my first draft of this essay. As I was writing I definitely noticed that there were contradictory sentiments arising out of my essay. I resisted the urge to press ‘backspace’ and instead continued to power through my first draft as organically as possible. It turned to to be quite messy which I took as a partial victory because in that mess there was a lot of truth. However, I did find myself questioning why so much of what I wrote seemed to twist back on itself.
One thing I mentioned is how much less I seem to write as I get older. I seem to write only when it is demanded of me and less and less for myself. When I was younger, it was just the opposite dynamic. Yet, I also cover how I continue to use writing constantly as an outlet- something I covered extensively in my initial ‘Why I Write’ essay. These two facts definitely seem at odds. How can I continue writing as an outlet if I am writing less? Is this just a biased perception of myself or are one of these claims blatantly incorrect? As I weed through the revelations and challenges that came out of this first draft I think many of these contradictions come from a variance of perception. While in the thick of this class, I feel like writing is something I don’t do enough- at other times, I feel like writing is an inherent part of my life. The way I view my writing is circumstantial to my current viewpoint and therefore its changes.
As I now look to revise this first draft I think its important not to view these contradictions as challenges to be tackled but as nuances to be fleshed out. Something seemingly contradictory is probably only scratching the surface of a deeper, more complex explanation. By allowing myself to create a non-linear but truthful first attempt at this paper I am hoping now I can begin to make meaningful, deeper connections. This paper is undeniably challenging and I see many of us encountering the same struggles but I do believe that is only going to make the pieces stronger in the long run.