I think I speak for a number of us when I say that I am afraid that, simply because I am so invested in my Capstone topic, that anything short of full effort and successful completion will hurt all the more. The failure will not be a B paper, but a disservice to the vision. In turn, I am afraid to start, fearful that the intentions behind my project will be as good as it gets. The stakes are higher, and I’m looking for an equally high return.
With that in mind, I think personal investment will serve me, and the lot of us, in the long run. In other words, I will look to use that fear of failure to prevent it. Sure, it may come together in April, but it will come together. I hope further that this project will be something I can execute to its full capacity down the road — given the utopian world of unlimited time and resources we discussed in class. I’ll include it in my memoir one day. When I have the time.
Which brings me to my next fear…time. I am a second semester senior who works out twice a day and watches plenty of Netflix. But I am also working for a major corporation three days a week, trying to find a job for after school, looking forward to a spring break. These are daily distractions that make it hard to jump into research and writing. In the interim, I cannot get myself to write my writer’s evolution second draft, not out of procrastination but out of a whole host of fears that aren’t worth mentioning here.
So I’ve resolved myself to turning the calendar. Looking at March, I plan to hold myself accountable to blocks of time out of my apartment where I will work on the Capstone project. In theory, the more time I block the better the result.? I was never any good at Econ 101, so who knows.