Beauty and (I’m the Beast?)

I loved animals as a kid. Me and my Uncle Tommy would always watch The Animal Planet after school. He’d come home with this massive lunch from work — a monstrous hero, Snapple, chips, oreos, all that stuff that you can find in a deli. So we’d watch the channel for awhile, and he’d always give me the last quarter of his sandwich. That was a real treat, because all my mom ever gave me for school was peanut butter and jelly. Don’t get me wrong, I love peanut butter and I love jelly, but once and awhile you just want turkey and cheddar with lettuce and tomato you know? Anyway, most of the time we’d watch The Crocodile Hunter. My uncle had this terrible impersonation of Steve Irwin’s Australian accent, but as a six-year-old I thought it was perfect, and hilarious.

So that brings me to the question, what animal would I be?

This is tough, because there are a lot of animals I’d like to be, but don’t really fitdsofusdofud. Maybe I could be a lion, but not really cause I’m powerful or anything like that. They just have a huge mane, and I can grow a decent beard so that kinda correlates right?

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Being a polar bear would be pretty cool too. They’re my favorite animal, but I have no idea how I’d be like a polar bear, because I kind of hate the really cold days we get in Michigan when your skin literally starts to hurt from the combination of the wind and temperature.

Maybe I’d be a bear in general? I mean they like to sleep, and so do I. But they’re massive and I’m only 6’0.

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Maybe a gorilla? I’m not totally sure about my animal facts, but I think they live in a huge group, and I grew up as the youngest of six.

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Definitely not a snake. One, they horrify me. Two, when I think of the word “snake” I think of dishonesty and that’s not me. Plus I’m Catholic, and snakes don’t exactly have a good rep in the story of Adam and Eve.

Wolves are awesome. I remember loving them since my brother James started liking the movie white fang. They’re nowhere close to the biggest animal in the animal kingdom, but they work together to get stuff done. I think I’m a team player, so that kinda applies. But they also work as a team to kill other animals which is kinda messed up and I’m not really an aggressive person.

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So basically I’d be a wolf, lion, bear, gorilla hybrid?

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Oh…well then…

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