I’ve got the ball rolling. I know what I’m writing about. When I sit down to write, I find it easy to accomplish a significant amount of work in a reasonable amount of time. But what if…
These what-if questions won’t leave me alone. What if I can’t stand my final draft? What if my website looks terrible? What if I’ve spent the whole semester on a project that I don’t feel attached to in any way, shape, or form at the end of this process? What if I don’t get anything out of this project after putting so much into it?
I didn’t have this problem back in Gateway. Whether I was working on a literary review podcast or a historical fiction short story, the end product always felt disposable. It didn’t have to represent me as a creator because I always had the option to fail. Somehow, I can’t find a similar sort of comfort with the Capstone process.
I think I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself to create a piece of writing that will represent the knowledge and skills I’ve acquired as a student here at Michigan. It certainly would be nice if I had something to show for my time here, to prove to interviewers and potential employers that I am smart and I do know how to do some things competently. This pressure is taking a lot of the joy that I almost always otherwise experience when writing.
In searching for solace, I came across a quote from Carl Sandburg: “A book is never a masterpiece; it becomes one. Genius is the talent of a dead man.” This quote seems to imply that writing can mature to reach “greatness,” but that must certainly not be the case when the author is examining their own work over time. If my Capstone project ends up like almost anything else I’ve written, I’ll probably only hate it more as time goes on. I better knock it out fast before I’m too disgusted to continue.