So I have officially come to the conclusion that I bit off way more than I could chew.
Three weeks ago I had my full class workshop. That means that three weeks ago I came to the conclusion that I needed to trash all of the writing that I had completed thus far this semester and start over. More specifically, three weeks ago I set out to write six brand new, not-even-outlined-yet personal essays, each of length of around 1500 words, and each of which was themed around an incredibly personal and complicated and emotional and hard-to-write-about topic.
As might be expected in my situation, I have done literally nothing but my capstone for the past two weeks. My other two classes have been placed at the backburner, and I have never before been so close to missing deadlines on projects and homework. Just last week I walked in to my meteorology class and was surprised to find that we had a project due at the beginning of class that I had never even heard about! Luckily my professor was super understanding and extended my deadline, but STILL! As a person who prides herself for organization and time-management skills, this kind of mental slip was super uncharacteristic!
In addition, I have been in a pretty bad funk for most of the last two weeks (shout-out to my housemates for still loving me even when I stop talking to them for two days or when I project my stress and anxiety the moment I step into the room). Writing for hours on end every day about things like loneliness and anxiety and how they relate to your mom’s cancer remission is really emotionally exhausting!
But it’s fine.
My current status is worse than I was hoping, but acceptable. I have four of six essays mostly completed and only one is completely nonexistent. My original goal had been to finish the project by the last day of classes, but this weekend I came to terms with finishing by the showcase Thursday instead.
I am currently struggling to keep my perfectionist tendencies at bay. I think that this is partly because I care so much about getting my topic “right.” I just don’t want to hurt anyone or misstate something. But, I really need to wrap up my essays. The project’s landing page is a vital aspect of the final project on which I have not yet spent ample time. I am planning to complete my essays by Tuesday so that I can spend all of Wednesday on the site, but in order to do so, I need to start accepting that my finished product will be less than perfect. This currently feels impossible.
In the past when I have written about my family members or my boyfriend (all of whom are featured in my Capstone), I have been able to move past my perfectionist tendencies. Usually when I look back at the final product weeks later, it is better than I thought at the time. But now, I am struggling.
Any suggestions on how to “be done” and to have faith in the process would be much appreciated!