As each progressive deadline passes and I submit one final paper (or series of papers) after another, I increasingly become a bit closer to winter break. Yet until that moment comes, I also become a little more dead inside, a result of deteriorating sleep, eating patterns, and social activity over the course of the last few weeks. Most of my friends are done with their finals and have gone home for break, and our house grows increasingly quiet as each one goes. But I can’t let that get to me right now, all that matters is remaining focused until the last submit late Friday afternoon.
Each submission brings its own little adrenaline dump, as I furiously insert my last edits in and deposit my work into Canvas. After every single one, I am quite antsy as I put it in, even if there’s plenty of time left before the deadline. It’s just something about the significance of large papers, and I think also a component of the sheer time put into each. Through the process of outlining, drafting, and editing, the hours add up, and it’s like a part of me is taken into that Canvas submission box with each final draft. These factors all contribute to a continual depletion of energy and spirit, and I have little doubt that when I am done there will be little left of me. At the same time, I suppose if I put everything I have mentally into final papers this would be the result, so maybe it is not so bad after all.