The End

Its funny how my project title is called the end and here we are at the end of another semester. This project was a good idea, stressful, yet fun all at the same time. Just like a reflection of my college life, it sounds good at first then when you start it’s like “what did I get myself into”. I am definitely not a videographer that’s for sure, but I do have a story to tell and I did it to my best ability.

Telling my story and being vulnerable was very hard especially considering the fact that I had to go back and revisit such a dark time for myself. Looking back, it’s refreshing to be able to revisit the past and be able to look at it with such a positive and hopeful outlook. Technology malfunctions and roadblocks aside, this was very cool to make and is the longest video i’ve ever made and It took a lot of courage(and patience) to do this. My peers, and T definitely helped push me to make this project better when I felt like I had lost inspiration for it. Maybe one day when I finally have the resources to make this production into the hollywood film I have planned in my head the director can use this as a foundation. But for now this is what the project is and I am very pleased with it, it came a long way.

Everything Does Revolve Around Me (my mother was wrong)

This grand idea that I had planned in my head is slowly becoming a disaster , causing me to rethink my entire project. That was my biggest fear. Nothing is going right, which usually is the case when you have to rely on other people. After much thought I figured that my story in itself should be something to focus on rather than a collection of interviews and stories from others. As disappointing as it sounds (because having other people involved and not just myself would be cool) I think it’s important to note that my story is worth telling. Although I dont think its “cool” I think it’s important to tell, and eliminates the need to rely on others.

That being said I am not giving up on my original vision and will try the best I can within the next two weeks to get interviews from different coaches. There is no reason for me to completely give up on the project but I am bringing myself to the reality that IF I cannot get the interviews I wanted it is okay to revolve the project around my story. With the research I’ve done with Athletes connected ,I realized there’s a better way to have the athlete discuss their injury without feeling ostracized. The research I’ve done also makes the athlete feel …like there not a person or that there’s something wrong with them. Its less personal and filled with actors and feels like a poorly scripted tornado drill video that I used to have to watch in elementary school. 

 The collective interview was supposed to alleviate this issue and bring a more community feel to athletes who felt ostracized. And although I am not quitting on that just yet, the feedback that I got in class today was very helpful. Briana mentioned how I could have the project be about me while including other people’s thoughts and stories but without having to rely on them with scheduling interviews. My research will have to switch gears and I will have to go deeper into storytelling and figuring out how people story tell and how biographies and autobiographies are approached.

The Fear of Being Great is a Thing.

I hate to say it, but my dad was right. I am in fact, without a doubt scared to be great. I can never take a first step , can never complete a first draft, and have a hard time following through with any creative idea I have in general all because of fear. It was hard for me to come to terms with this theory because initially I thought “I’m not scarred of being great, greatness is what I crave, I strive for it daily, actually i’m more scarred of failure if anything.” This is my problem, see the fear of failing and the fear of being great are both the same thing, the only difference is the wording. You cannot be great without failure so my fear of this step happening is preventing me from being everything I want.

This year I am determined to step out of this fear and do EVERYTHING I set my mind to. I have so many creative thoughts and ideas, and for the past few years (although I have made great accomplishments) I have been more of a thinker than a doer. I have started with my personal life and wants. I have always wanted to do something for my birthday and while i’m still breathing , I decided to make that happen. I booked a flight to New York for my 22nd birthday with NO hesitation(Go Me!). I have always wanted to do a creative video shoot for my birthday as well, I contacted a videographer to get that set up( another giant leap for Courtney). Although my birthday trip and video shoot may seem small , these are things I have wanted to do for years. This class is another gateway for me to do whatever I want creatively and the possibilities are endless. I have so much hope for my project that I decided it was best that I didn’t do it, but my new self has hope that this project will be everything I imagined and more. Being scarred about my creative thoughts and the potential they have is such an exhausting process, I have decided that fear is a choice and that failure is a stepping stone rather than defeat.

My project will focus on the journey of athletes specifically the ending and how retirement vs injury is a either a forced ending or an instance in where the ending is up to the discretion of the athlete. Identity crisis, mental health, and the next chapter of life will also be explored throughout my project and I plan to do my project through a documentary type style series. Something similar to E:60 or 30 for 30. I also would like to have small articles of subtopics and ultimately would like Derrick Rose to somehow get involved and or see it. I have faith in my vision and will approach my project as if there is no way I can fail , and that anything can happen.

Introducing My E-Portfolio

When we first started this class my e-portfolio looked putrid. I had the completely wrong idea of what the e-portfolio was supposed to be and it was a mess. I had an array of pictures on the site that had nothing to do with writing. I treated my e-portfolio as if it was a personal “About-Me” website. There were pictures of donuts, photography, and random pictures of me from spring break and the site itself looked like a catastrophe. I had to figure out a way to fix it so I deleted my old site and started over from scratch. My new site is so much cleaner and has a lot more organization to it. I hope you enjoy it !

Who I am

If my writing could jump off of the pages and become it’s own person, it would be a duplicate of myself. My writing is me. Stubborn, passionate, and tenacious. I hate changing my style of writing , it’s always been the same. Just like me. Whether I’m writing to relieve stress or writing a paper for class, my writing has always had this certain “taste” to it.  I Like the way I write but notice that when there is a time for me to switch up or change I don’t, or It’s very hard for me to. I hope in the future that I can (not necessarily change) but try different styles of writing.

This class personally challenged me because most of the things we did were out of my comfort zone or were difficult for me to process. Being stubborn makes it hard for me to make changes and doing three different experiments requires that. Taking feedback and applying it for me is difficult because I don’t like to change what I have planned, and me being extremely stubborn makes it hard for me to change.

I write for several different purposes and right now in my experience as a writer i’m not sure where I stand. I know that this class has helped me to grow as a writer and step out of my comfort zone. I’ve even noticed a change in my comfort level when reading out loud. I am more confident in my writing as well as more willing to share with other people my writing, even if . I think it may be embarrassing or that they wont understand the way in which I write. When I started writing i wrote for stress relief and creativity, and now I still like this still remains true but I am doing it with more confidence and purpose. This class challenged me to be creative with purpose, not just creative and unorganized or messy but to have a purpose in everything you write.

Experiment Reflection

Doing all three of these experiments was like having my own little experiment family with three experiment children, and yes I had a favorite .All three experiments provided a unique experience with creating each of them. Experiment number two was the most uncomfortable to me. It was an open letter and it just felt kinda awkward because I felt like I was writing to myself and I knew that the likelihood of Kendrick Lamar ever seeing it was slim to none. Experiment one was my favorite and gave me the chance to be creative. Turning experiment one into my final video project is the hardest part though because of the fact that getting what I imagine in my head on film is the most challenging part. Throughout the process I have had to change my video and I probably will still end up changing it in the end as far as length. Doing all three experiments is something I take pride in looking back, and although I do have my favorite all three were fun to do.

Last One Best One?

Well…In the words of every high school coach ” Last one best one” is not applicable to me in terms of my experiments. For my final project I have decided to go with experiment number one. Doing the hype video is what I am most passionate about and is a project where I feel I can be the most creative. Although I did enjoy doing all three experiments I feel that I don’t have any future with them or see any bigger picture with the other experiments moving forward.

My hype video allows me to be as creative as I want , but simultaneously poses the biggest challenge because the final product that I have in my head is difficult to get on video. Finding time outside of my busy schedule is a challenge that I know I am going to have to tackle early on as well. The most important thing I can do to help myself when it comes to time and filming is really getting an in depth sketch draft so that when I do film I know exactly what I’m supposed to be filming rather than wasting time or trying to guess what “might” look good . Setting a time length during my sketch draft is important too because I don’t want my video to be too long and I want to set a goal for myself so that I don’t feel overwhelmed with filming.

Im very excited to be able to turn my experiment one into the final project that I have in my head. I know it will take a lot of planning and patience for it to come out the way I want it to, but if i take all of the necessary steps the outcome will be great. So stay tuned … last one best one? I hope so.