And Now: A Word on Procrastination

Bane Procrastination

Don’t do it, kids. It’s like drugs. You’ll try it once, and things will still turn out okay. You’ll feel that high — or rather, that deadline coming crashing down upon you and the anxiety and urgency it creates — and you’ll let out a loud sigh of relief when you submit the assignment with seven minutes to spare.

But it won’t stop there. No, procrastination is like drugs because it’s a slippery slope. You’ll get away with procrastinating on a short reflection paper here and a three-page plot analysis there, but then you’ll get a big head and think you can wait until the last minute to start working on your end-of-semester project. And it will not go well. You’ll be up all night, drinking Monster or thirty cups of coffee or taking Five Hour Energy (or possibly Six Hour Power).

The blank page will mock you. You’ll hang your head in frustration. Your tears will wash over your laptop, causing it to malfunction or blow a circuit or explode or something — whatever laptops do when they get wet. And you’ll wish you hadn’t been ridiculous, that you’d started your not-so-little project at a reasonable juncture. No one will have pity on you, because this is all your fault.

Believe me, I speak from experience. There’s a reason this blog post is going up at 3:45 AM on the last Monday of the semester. Don’t for one second think I haven’t been glancing at the study guide on the coffee table in front of me either. That exam is in less than eight hours and I haven’t studied a thing.

God help me.