Example Of “Fear” in Syntax/Vocab/Grammer

Here is my example, it’s an excerpt from a students personal essay I was assigned to peer review.

“His message continued to go on to talk about his experience with flight school and as an LT in the fleet. He made sure to be positively clear that he couldn’t make the decision for me, but could offer me any answers to questions I had based off of his experiences. I had never met Devin in person, but found myself very thankful he was the son of some friends in my family, because his advice was the exact insight I was looking for. No one I had met at my unit had been wrestling over going subs or going pilot. It just didn’t happen. I had finally found someone I could relate to with the same situation as myself.”